The last time I curated a blog post was 4 months ago and I didn’t publish anything. I have been busy. Doing other things such as my master’s degree and managing the many gears of my health. Honoring myself with rest and doing whatever I want to do for the very sake of doing it and staying alive. 2019 has been a wow of a year. Filled with turns, stops and a lot of ‘stop nonsense’ moments.
‘Stop nonsense’ is a name given to a fence style in South Africa. It is basically a barrier fence that aims to guard households with peace and privacy. Whether it was my next-door neighbors thinking they were God sent, somebody’s ain’t shit sons disturbing everyone else’s peace and PH balances instead of working on themselves. Or work environments that really should do better and continue to make it rain because duality is real and we all work hard. There were a plethora of BS moments.
And between my life’s chapters, the BS moments and focusing on myself (which is my 2019 theme) I have pulled back accessibility to me and what I share or don’t share. In the time that I wasn’t as active as I have previously been on this platform and the affiliated social media platforms. I took myself back to therapy, re-introduced myself to myself, established and honored my boundaries and started to get over myself especially the areas that hurt, left me with a bruised ego and that had me in victimhood.
Well, what was that?
2019 definitely was challenging and it also has been a rewarding year that I wouldn’t change or throw away. I walked into 2019 chanting; ‘This is my year and I will focus on myself’. And I got to focus on myself whether I liked how or not. And even though I knew that I go hard for me and mines, I am still my favorite Superhero, standing up for myself one BS moment at a time.
Yes, there have been some misunderstandings, there have also been different ways to deal with issues present in any one situation. However, this will never give me the right to type articles about my perception of any ‘shitty to me behavior’; because and this may be one of the hardest pills we ever have to ingest and digest, but every single one of us is doing the best that we can with what we have or don’t have. Full stop, period and point-blank.
So whilst I won’t list all of the things that were “shitty to me,” or my Superhero moments I will, however, use the following questions and answers to manage myself, my disappointments and move on with my standards happily.
21 Questions
I found myself in the past months asking myself questions such as:
Does everyone that I am dealing with/ thinking of and possibly angry at~
Have feet that touch the ground at the same time when they stand up like me?
Exercise each week even if it’s 5 minutes at a time?
Going through any form of chemotherapy?
Have an imperfect family who deserves respect whether I agree with their choices or not?
Are they their own lives activists?
Have they maintained their weight at a healthy 65 kgs for the past 4 years?
Understand that the same energy that they put into messing with other people could be used to change the trajectory of their own life that leads them to mess with other people’s children?
Are they trying different things with themselves such as watering plants and bringing them back to life?
I asked these questions and a multitude of other questions. Each time I answered no or I don’t know, I knew not to take other people’s ‘shitty to me behavior’ personally or seriously. Because I see life the way I see it because of what I’m growing through and unless we are growing in the same way then we aren’t on the same page. So I did the one thing that I promised myself this year which was to focus on myself. And this is how I Slayed the moments this year, that and I served looks and I organized myself with people that had similar interests to me. Basically I slayed the BS and not myself.
Results
As it stands, I have a completed master’s in educational research with a 4.05 rating and from what I understand about the American school rating system is that this is creme de la creme performance.
I expanded YHTDTW’s social media reach, operating on over 7 platforms with about 300 followers. With a 20 % engagement level and independent publishing. Now, this may not seem like much but when I started, I started with nothing but my passion.
This is the third year of my charitable contributions. And even though the sector that I have been working with is changing. I am still going to support everything that is me; black, female, creative and everything in between such as black people, black women, black children and the upliftment of the black experience in the best ways that I know how to.
I am enrolled in and completed short courses that are for the sake of my passion projects and not a grade.
Booked me back into therapy,
Canceled Sunday as a meet and greet day and honored it as my rest and recuperation day of choice and when I didn’t, I learned my lesson.
As a result, got to know me deeper and more lovingly,
At the end of the year, I find myself at remission due to the exhaustive treatment with minimal to nonexistent symptoms even though that’s not how I started the year.
Next thing I knew it’s the 31st of December and I am alive. I have better boundaries, clearer plans and I have lost 10 kg’s in any kind of expectation, blessing and releasing everyone that I encounter whether or not my interactions with them are favorable or not. Growth has been taking over and I’m “Glowing for the Joy of it” as per the Agapelive current mantra.
Slay it!
This year has been challenging and fulfilling all at the same time. Realizing that my energy is the reward and deposit of my investments.
Bullshit happens all the time. Sometimes we may facilitate it, manage it and invite it into our own lives and even become the bullshit happening. Bullshit happening does not mean that we lose value and worth in who we are. Bullshit happening means we Slay the BS, never ourselves. We are always worthy and valuable. And we owe it to ourselves to honor our worth and value.
For me, it was getting clear with myself about what I needed at any one time and meeting myself there. I practiced this so much this year that my mother was shocked when I had nothing to say or object to when she went into her own narrative whilst I just listened and met her where she was. This is what acceptance feels and looks like.
I hope you had a wonderful 2019, accepting and owning how it panned out. From me and mines, I would like to wish you a foundational 2020. Go after everything with Thanksgiving in your heart and receive it tenfold in the next century.
